Family First Friday ~ One on One Time

I've been a mama for almost seventeen years now...oh.my.word...is my oldest really going to be seventeen in March?  Seriously...the time does fly by.

I know, I know...older mama's everywhere always are telling you that, but it's actually true.

It's hard to grasp this when you are in the midst of teething, dirty diapers, middle of the night feedings and the never ending chore of trying to fold all that baby laundry...but it does creep up on ya fast!

It's my hope that through my 10+ years of experience in Kids Ministry, Women's Ministry and being a mama that I can share some tips with you to help keep Family First.

What does that mean anyway?

Family First

It simply means that it is so easy to let all the other "hats" we wear as women start to crowd out what is actually our first ministry after our relationship with Christ.

Oh, get this...I'm not coming to you as someone who has "had it all together"...phew, quite the contrary, I've fallen so far short that I know it is ONLY from the grace of God that my kids are who they are.

That being said I wanted to take a few minutes to really stress with you the importance of ONE ON ONE time with your kids...especially if you have more than one child.  

Don't lose me if you only have one child because it is just as important for you to carve out some one on one child with that child as it is for a mom of four.

I have been blessed with two boys...yay...love being a "boy mama", but they couldn't be any more different from each other than oil is to water.

No...really, they are night and day, black and white, oil and water different from each other.  

They each give and receive love differently (see the Five Love Languages of Kids).  They also each want something different from me...yes, they want my unconditional love, but how they receive it is completely different.

It was only when I started to focus on spending time with each of them individually did I start to see changes in them, in our relationship, and even in our family.  I didn't go into these One on One Times with that intention, but it was a byproduct of giving them that undivided time.

Hubby would take one of the boys and I would take the other boy and once a month before school we would have a "Breakfast with the Boys" morning.  (Hey, it worked because we had boys...girls it could be a 'date' or 'good morning with the girls'...you get the point)   

Before they went to school that day we would take them out to breakfast, their choice, and just spend time with them one on one.

It was during these Breakfast with Boys days that the doors blew right open and created opportunities to talk about some really important stuff in their world, which also created them a safe place to talk without the whole family listening in.  

The boys are now both in high school and leave at 6:40am every morning...which makes Breakfast with Boys mornings nearly impossible, but we're thinking outside the box and creating new ways to spend that one on one time with them.  

I can tell you this...they still talk about those breakfast days and I know in my heart that they helped us, as their parents, see that we have been blessed with some pretty remarkable kids.

If you are already have One on One Time with your kids, then what do you do?

If not...what's stopping you?  

Even if it is once a month it's something...the kids will absolutely love it!

Family First Friday ~ Highest Calling

This past week something has really been laying heavily on my heart that I wanted to share with you.  I'm sure it has lots to do with an on-going discussion I've been having this week with an incredible group of ladies.

I wanted to share it with you and pray it blesses and encourages you too!

I'm sure at times you have felt it to, but...

we let the busyness of life take over,

the piles of laundry to distract us,

the bills that need to be paid frustrate us,

the dinners that need to be made aggravate us,

the car lines to make us crazy,

and all the other stuff that goes along with being a mom to get in the way,

of the most important thing...

our Family!

It doesn't matter what ministry I run, how many events I speak at, articles I write, books I author, or anything else that I do, because truly the highest calling I have is being wife to Matt and mom to Nick and Bailey.

The same goes for you!

Don't forget to stop and put family first on your priority list.

Yes, those other things have to get done, 

yes, they are important, 

yes, they make a difference,

but...

our greatest and highest calling waits for us,

each and every day, 

and that's our family!

Take some time this weekend to show your family just how incredibly important they are in your life.  

Pray for them,

love on them,

cherish them,

and put them first!

Then Sings My Soul ~ Yearn

It's been a little while since I did a "Then Sings My Soul Saturday" post but today there's such a desire to share this song with you that I just had to jump online and post it up for you!

My husband and oldest son left for Haiti today for a Missions Trip, so while I am an emotional wreck (excited, nervous, anxious, happy, all the above at the same time) this song speaks such peace and passion to me right now.  

My youngest son will be playing this song tonight with the Student Band for their service, I may just have to stick around and hear it again.

I pray it brings you joy today as you hear the heart and soul of this song!

Yearn, by Shane and Shane with Bethany Dillon

Lyrics to Yearn

holy design
this place in time
that i might seek and find my God
my God

Lord i want to yearn for You
i want to burn with passion
over You and only You
Lord i want to yearn

Your joy is mine
yet why am i fine
with all my singing and bringing grain
in light of Him

oh You give life and breath
through Him You give all things
in Him we live and move
that's why i sing

acts 17:25-28, hebrews 12:28-29

Family First ~ Finding out your child's love language

Finding Out Your Child's Love Language

If you have one child or many children you know that each one is special and unique. They require different things from you, feel loved different ways than you do, and from you but also different from you.

We can't love on our children the way that we would "feel" loved, although that is probably the easiest and most natural thing for us to do. Problems can arise though, when we do this and the child receives what we think we are giving as love, but they are not receiving it that way.

Hold on.

Wait a minute.

Am I really saying that even when I "show" my love to my children they may not see it as love?

Pretty much. This is something that took me forever to finally grasp. I am very touchy-feely and so I am always loving on my kids by rubbing their back, hugging them, giving them smooches, playing with their hair, etc. Which sounds all good and normal right? Well, it is for me...but my two sons are not just like me. They know that is how I give love to them, but they "feel" loved in different ways.

One of the BEST books that I have ever read as a parent is The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. It radically transformed how I was "showing love" to my kids. This whole time I assumed that they "felt" loved by me but based off the principle of the 5 Love Languages there are many other ways to give and receive love other than "physical touch", which is what I was doing as a touchy-feely mom.

After reading the book I realized that one of my children feels loved by "physical touch and words of affirmation" while the other child feels loved by "quality time and acts of service". When I adjusted my way of showing my love to them, individually, our relationships bloomed and we were able to all have our love tanks filled.

If you have never read this book, I would highly encourage you to pick up a copy. It really will help you keep your Family First when you start to speak their Love Language!

From the Back Cover

MORE THAN 600,000 SOLD!

Want to know the secret to making sure your child feels loved?

Kids desperately need to know how much you love them. But if you don’t know their special “love languages” you might as well be speaking gibberish. Every child (like every adult) expresses and receives love best through one of five communication styles. Find out which one of these your child speaks:

* QUALITY TIME,
* WORDS OF AFFIRMATION,
* GIFTS,
* ACTS OF SERVICE,
* PHYSICAL TOUCH

If your love language is different from your children’s, you’d better learn to translate—fast. Or you could miss your chance to meet their deepest emotional needs. Discover how to express unconditional feelings of respect, affection and commitment that will resonate in their souls— and inspire them for the rest of their lives.

Now it's your turn...
If you have already read this book, then I would love to hear how it has impacted your family and helped you to keep your family first by giving and receiving love the way your child needs it.

If you haven't read the book yet, then based off the list of the 5 Love Languages which would you say is your love language and which one do you think you use for your children.

Keeping your Family First,

Family First ~ Breakfast Dates

Breakfast Dates

(This is my youngest son, Bailey, acting silly at one of our Breakfast Dates at a local Cuban bakery)

One of my favorite things to do to keep my "Family First" is to set up regular times to be with each of the kids on their own. My husband will take one of them and I will take the other and we like to go out for a Breakfast Date. Since we have two boys we call them "Breakfast with the Boys" mornings.

I have to admit though, since my oldest is in high school and gets there at 7am (yep, you didn't misread that, he gets to school by 7am and we drive him...well...hubby drives him, ha!) it makes it a little more challenging to have a breakfast date with him. We've had to re-adjust what that means with him, but I think you get the point.

The reality is that it doesn't have to be an expensive outing and it doesn't have to be long, but it does require your undivided attention (making it a point not to answer your phone during this time always helps) and a willingness to really be there with them.

We usually only go out for about 30-45 minutes and if we have our Breakfast Date on a school day it is a perfect lead in to talk about what's going on in their world at school (which can be a very scary time for the kids). The kids also know that this is THEIR time...any question they want to ask is open and on the table.

At first this was a little awkward for them, but now that we've opened that dialogue they've begun to use this as their time to really ask the hard questions. For us, as the parents, we have to be willing to answer those questions as openly and honestly as we can and as they can handle for their age.

Try it...set up a time when you can have some one on one time with your kids and schedule a breakfast date. Let them pick where you are going, block out some time for it, and see what happens when you do.

Keeping your Family First!

Seeking JOY on the Journey,

Family First ~ Create Tiny Traditions

Create Tiny Traditions

Sometimes it really is the "small" things that can make the biggest difference with your family. After a long week of homework, extra curricular activities, youth group, and car lines it is the perfect time to "Create Tiny Traditions".

It sounds funny, doesn't it? Tiny Traditions, but when it comes to our kids they don't always need the biggest, baddest, newest thing out there to show them that they are the priority in our lives. Let's face it, we're on a journey here to learn how to put our "Family First".

The key word is journey...you can't just completely stop what you've been doing and switch gears that fast...it takes time and small steps, which is why creating tiny traditions is a great first step.

For us it is something as easy as "Frosty Friday". Did you just laugh out loud? It's ok, I know it's kinda hokey but seriously, my kids totally look forward to Friday's after school for this very reason.

We go through the drive thru, talk about the week, celebrate everything that has happened that week and talk about everything that is coming up over the weekend. We laugh, giggle, and just plain have fun while talking and sharing about our week...it's a great way to get the kids to open up and share a bit.

It's simple, yet completely effective because;
1) We only go get Frosty's on Frosty Friday,
2) If anyone makes a bad choice or decision then it's gone,
3) We all act like we've hit the jack pot when we pull away.

Hey, it doesn't have to be Frosty Friday at your house, but take the time to come up with something fun (and inexpensive) that you can do with your kids to celebrate their week and also spend time laughing together. For our family these Tiny Traditions have made a HUGE difference.

Now it's your turn...
What can you do to CREATE TINY TRADITIONS in your family?

Share...
I'd love to hear some of your ideas, thoughts, and current tiny traditions that you do with your family!

Come back next week for more ways to keep the "Family First"!

Seeking JOY on the Journey,

Don't FORGET to CLICK every day...it counts!

Family First ~ Create Quality Talk Time

In the midst of the busyness of life today we have to really plan ahead for our "Family First" time or else everything else will unintentionally take a priority.

You know what I mean, the dishes, the laundry, the never ending list of "errands" to run, and the list goes on, but if we are not careful we can go a whole day without really taking some time to put our "Family First". Yes, all the laundry, dishes, and errands are FOR our family, but they are not time with our family.

I'm always on the go these days and spend quite a bit of time in my truck. Yes, I am one of those girls with the bluetooth headset's on that look like I am talking to thin air, and I truly LOVE my headset, but I can also get to where I am always in "go" mode and neglect to really nurture, not just care for, my relationship with my kids.

One thing that I have been working on (key word there) is to not talk on my cell phone while I take the kids to school or pick them up. Notice I didn't say that I try not to use my cell phone all the time my kids are in my truck, because that would be a whole lot harder (although it doesn't mean that is not something that I wouldn't strive for, just not right now).

When I take them to school in the morning I try to talk to them about their day, their plans, and fill them up with love and attention so that when they step out into their school environment they are filled up and ready to tackle the day.

When I pick them up from school it is time to talk about what happened at school, what they are struggling with, and anything else that they may want to talk about.

Hey, listen, it's not an exact science, and at first your kids may not "want" to talk, and that's ok, but to let them know that they are your first priority sets the tone for the future when they may be more willing to open up and talk. The important thing is that they see that you are trying to put the "Family First" and that you are ready when they are.

I have to tell you that some of my most rewarding conversations with my kids have happened in the truck on the way to school or after school, and even though it's only fifteen minutes of drive time it does make a difference.

Hey listen, there are times when I absolutely "have to" take a phone call during that time, but the majority of time I just don't because I want my boys (two teenagers) to know that it is "our" time. Sometimes it is the small steps that make the biggest impact.

Try it, and if you do, please let me know how it works for you...I think you will be surprised!

Come back next week for some more "Family First" tips! Have a great weekend!

Seeking JOY on the Journey,

Don't FORGET to CLICK every day...it counts!

Family First Friday - Solid Yellow Lines

It's my goal to share with you some tips, ideas, and strategies on how to keep your first things first with this series. I first have to be quite honest with you...I do not have it all together, my kids are not perfect, and I am a work in progress, just like you. I do, however, have two teenage boys, have been married for 16 1/2 years, and have had some very "bumpy" seasons in my life which have forced me to really evaluate what really was my first priority.

I think that is why I am so passionate about keeping your FAMILY FIRST. I had to learn it the hard way and because I have I would love to share some of that insight with y'all. So let's get started on making choices today on how to keep the family first.

Let's start with SOLID YELLOW LINES...

(photo from Flickr user Clearly Ambiguous)

Solid yellow lines by definition is something that you do not cross. It is a boundary. It keeps you in line and on track, right?

We need some solid yellow lines in our families so that we can keep our Family First. One way we do that in our family is that we actually schedule out our family time. I know, I know...it sounds weird and silly, but if you think about it, we schedule everything else out, don't we?

Doctor's appointments, cheerleading practices, soccer games, car pools, youth group, and everything else that keeps our Mom Taxi constantly on the road.

Why not take the time while you are scheduling out your calendar for the week and make sure you schedule in some FAMILY time. When you do that you are saying we are making an effort to make sure that we keep our family first. Otherwise things will come up, and you know they will, and you'll push it aside, you'll postpone it, you'll say "can we do that another time honey?" and all the other great things we come up with on the fly when we have too many things going on. I know because I have said them (more often than I care to admit).

When you schedule that Family First time in your calendar, agenda, outlook it becomes just as important as all the other meetings, appointments, calls, errands that you do. Yes, some things can just "happen" and you can run out to get ice cream (preferably Coldstone, ha!), but when you plan it out, schedule it, and keep that solid yellow line on it (which means that it is so important that you won't reschedule or cancel) then you are telling your kids that they count and are important to you.

Hey, it's a step towards making your Family First, and after awhile these steps will add up and you will begin to see the fruits of your labor.

Apply it:

Some time this weekend sit down and schedule a family outing, something simple, something big, whatever it is that you and your family want to do (hint...let the kids be a part of the decision, they might just surprise you), then draw solid yellow lines around that appointment so that there is nothing that will keep you from making it (I like yellow highlighters).

Father God, as we seek to keep our Family First would you guide our steps. Help us to realize that our kids are the most sweetest and precious gift. We want them to grow up to be world changers for you God and we thank you that you've entrusted them to us. Show us how to put up Solid Yellow Lines so that our kids know that our family really is the most important thing to us. We love you Father, we ask for blessings on our families, in Jesus Precious Name, Amen.

Come back next week as we take another step on this journey of keeping our Family First in this crazy, busy, & hectic world.

Seeking JOY on the Journey,

PS - Don't forget to keep clicking this month for FREE Mammograms at the Breast Cancer Site...every click counts, thanks!

"Family First" Friday's

But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD. ~ Joshua 24:15

Welcome to a BRAND NEW weekly adventure here in Mel's World! There are three things that are so very important to me and are the central theme of everything in Mel's World and that's Faith, Family, and Friends (in that order).

I'm so excited to start a new journey with each and every one of you with the new series called "Family First" Friday's. Each Friday we'll meet here in Mel's World and talk about some steps and strategies to keep first things first, and in this case, that's your family!

Being in ministry for over 8 years now there are lots of things that I have witnessed with my own eyes and in my very own life. I've been the one in pursuit over the years to be "Patty perfect Pastor's Wife" (which I have failed miserably at); I've been a workaholic, a perfectionist, and totally controlled by what everyone else wanted me to do instead of what God called me to do first, and that was to take care of my family.

After nearly loosing my son in 2005 during a 51 day stay in the PICU I have learned that no matter how fantastic your ministry is if you don't take care of your family it really isn't worth anything. From mega-church to a small church plant God has taken me on a journey of growth and I can't wait to share with you some of those insights every week here in "Family First" Friday's.

Buckle up, open your hearts, and get ready to join me each week as we learn to put our "Family First" and still seek to be all that God has created us to be!

Seeking JOY on the Journey,