I was raised in a beautiful, godly home, with parents who loved the Lord. They both served in leadership positions at church and made sure I was involved too. They poured God into me and I loved Him. From the outside looking in, everything was perfect. Even my parents thought things were going well. What nobody knew was that I was being sexually abused. He was a relative who had moved into our home when I was a baby. My sisters were in school and both of my parents worked, so I was home with him the years before I went to kindergarten.
When a child is sexually abused, the young brain has no context for it. During those early years, the brain is constructing all its language information, social behavior information, and environmental awareness. When sexual abuse is thrown into the mix, it has to construct a special coping mechanism. That structure stays in place long after the abuse has ended.
I didn’t understand any of that, so as I grew up I struggled with sexual temptation and sin. I did things I couldn’t explain. I knew they were wrong, I knew they were harmful, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not manage my problem. I would cry out to God in guilt, confession and repentance. For months I would walk in victory and then temptation would slam me and take me down. And the cycle would start over.
Because I hadn’t told anyone, it became an exhausting double life of sin, shame, and guilt … and church, God and my relationship with Jesus. That’s how our enemy keeps us trapped, keeps us in bondage, keeps us locked away in pain. Secrecy. Especially when we’re Christians. We know right from wrong so we are too embarrassed to admit the wrong in our lives. Yet, the Holy Spirit’s conviction lovingly and relentlessly keeps after us until we break. Thank God!
Breaking into the arms of God is how we heal and become whole. Jesus met me in my deepest, darkest place and rescued me. He gave me the courage to get help, and then walked through the journey with me. Jesus restored my brain, my purity and my dignity. Just as He said to the immoral woman, “Your sins are forgiven,” He said it to me.
She experienced such outrageous love that she loved outrageously. She publicly poured herself onto her Savior in an intimate act of worship. She and I are alike in that way too. Love changed me. I am no longer
secretive or afraid. I am free to love.
Will you trust Jesus with your secret pain and be freed?
Lyn is a gifted and passionate Bible teacher, inspirational speaker and writer. For 20 years, she served in leadership positions in Bible Study Fellowship International.
Now speaking and writing in her new ministry, Solid Foundations, Lyn’s passion is encouraging, equipping and empowering others to know Jesus intimately and experience freedom in Him. She co-hosts the blog talk radio show “Living Truth” and serves on the Human Trafficking Task Force for the Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma.
She lives with her husband and three children in the Oklahoma City area. When Lyn is not doing life in her 4-inch stilettos, you can find her running in her favorite sneakers.