If Only You'll Ask...
By: Genny Heikka
I stood there, about 20 years old, trying on the fifth pair of jeans in as many minutes, staring at my reflection in the mirror.
Were the jeans tighter than last time I tried them on? The thought wrapped itself around my throat.
I turned sideways, scrutinizing.
There was a part of me that knew this wasn’t normal—trying on jeans over and over every day to see how they fit. But I did it anyway. It was my way of checking.
Most days, when I went through this ritual, I was happy with the results. Most days, the jeans were baggy and I felt good.
But this day was different. The jeans didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel right.
Discouragement clamped down on me like a heavy fist.
I didn’t want to feel this way—to be so worried about my weight—but I couldn’t help it. The constant thoughts about food and dieting had gotten more and more powerful until somehow they had taken over my life.
I wanted to stop obsessing and hiding my obsessions.
I wanted to be “normal”—to go to out to dinner with friends and not have to secretly starve myself the next day or exercise in the middle of the night to make up for it.
But I couldn’t.
I was trapped, and I didn’t see a way out.
That day, for the first time in years, as I crumpled to the floor, frustrated and lost, I
I started to pray—out loud, tears streaming down my face prayers.
I don’t remember the exact words, but it was something like, “You have to help me, God. You have to. Because I can’t do it. And I don’t want to be like this anymore.”
It wasn’t a graceful prayer. It wasn’t religious, or righteous, or eloquent.
It was a desperate, frustrated, anguished cry for help.
And you know what?
God heard me.
I didn’t have to get my act together before he’d listen. I didn’t have to be good, or perfect, or even know a lot about him. All I had to do was ask.
And He heard me.
Since then, there’s been no doubt in my mind about the power of God and his involvement in our lives. There’s no other way to explain the change in my life through the days, months, and years that followed that prayer.
And from my experience, I know this:
No matter where you are in life, no matter what you’re going through, no matter how close or how far away from God you feel, He hears you.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I’m writing this post on April Fool’s Day. So much of my story is about being fooled…
For years, I believed I needed to be perfect--that the approval of others defined who I was. I was insecure, yet, I hid my fears with false confidence. I put a lot of effort into acting like everything was great, and nobody knew how I really felt.
No matter how self-sufficient and in-control I acted on the outside, it wasn’t working for me on the inside.
But even though I fooled myself into trying to be perfect, and my struggle with my self-image and food was hard, I look back now thankful that I went thought that.
Not only do I believe in God like never before as a result of it, I also look at the world differently. I feel a tug on my heart to help others because I know what it’s like to go through a dark time. And instead of seeing another woman as someone to compare myself to, I only see her as someone to come alongside and love.
Because no matter how people act on the outside, or how perfect a life may seem, we all have challenges.
We all have a story.
And we all have something—whether it’s big or little—that God can help us with.
So if you’re struggling with something right now, or if you’re feeling like something is missing in your life, take a minute to look to God.
You’ll be amazed at what He can do.
If only you’ll ask.
“Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened…” Matthew 7:7
A Little About Genny:
Oh my word, each and every week I wonder what God is going to do through this series and each and every week I am blown away with how He uses women like you & me to make a difference for Him!
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